Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Mammograms
Just found out that my mom's mammogram showed something and that she will have to go back to the hospital to have it checked out. The info I got was that she will have to be operated on and then they can figure out if it is benign or malignant. Isn't a biopsy in order and can't that be done without "surgery"? So many questions in my head, thus the posting at 5:24 am. Thank god for WebMD and Google.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Generation Blog
An exerpt from a New York Magazine piece last week:
"It’s been a long time since there was a true generation gap, perhaps 50 years—you have to go back to the early years of rock and roll, when old people still talked about “jungle rhythms.” Everything associated with that music and its greasy, shaggy culture felt baffling and divisive, from the crude slang to the dirty thoughts it was rumored to trigger in little girls. That musical divide has all but disappeared. But in the past ten years, a new set of values has sneaked in to take its place, erecting another barrier between young and old. And as it did in the fifties, the older generation has responded with a disgusted, dismissive squawk. "
This cultural divide that they are talking about is the culture of blogging/online profiling so prevalent in the younger generation. Actually, this describes what you are reading right now:a public glimpse into the private life of, well, namely, me.
A friend of mine once asked me how I can so share my self so publicly. I once asked some friends of mine if they had blogs and they told me " I like to keep my private life private." Point taken. What I began to wonder was "Then why do I blog?"
Granted this whole thing started as a potential way for my family to share stories, inspired by Alan's "The Milton Hilton". But even when it became evident that it would be a one-man show, I continue to do it. Lay out things about myself that most people would consider private: my battle with depression, my sexuality, or even just the inane stuff that wouldn't be considered revelatory but just boring (like which of my pets threw up on the rug).
Maybe it's a reaction to all the shame I have in side. I think the combination of a Catholic upbringing, growing up gay, having depression, and just the Filipino culture of conflict avoidance just made me so good at hiding things. Alanis Morissette, when asked why she exposes so much of herself in her songs, once said that the difference between privacy and secrecy is that secrecy comes from a place of hiding something, and that she constantly struggles to accept all parts of herself. This rings so true for me (as I'm sure for most people) since I can easily show my acceptable public face yet endlessly struggle to hide things in me that I find repulsive. So maybe if I just publicly but quietly share some "unacceptable" parts of myself, then I may, not necessarily heal, but relax my hold on these which merely make me human and just let me be.
"It’s been a long time since there was a true generation gap, perhaps 50 years—you have to go back to the early years of rock and roll, when old people still talked about “jungle rhythms.” Everything associated with that music and its greasy, shaggy culture felt baffling and divisive, from the crude slang to the dirty thoughts it was rumored to trigger in little girls. That musical divide has all but disappeared. But in the past ten years, a new set of values has sneaked in to take its place, erecting another barrier between young and old. And as it did in the fifties, the older generation has responded with a disgusted, dismissive squawk. "
This cultural divide that they are talking about is the culture of blogging/online profiling so prevalent in the younger generation. Actually, this describes what you are reading right now:a public glimpse into the private life of, well, namely, me.
A friend of mine once asked me how I can so share my self so publicly. I once asked some friends of mine if they had blogs and they told me " I like to keep my private life private." Point taken. What I began to wonder was "Then why do I blog?"
Granted this whole thing started as a potential way for my family to share stories, inspired by Alan's "The Milton Hilton". But even when it became evident that it would be a one-man show, I continue to do it. Lay out things about myself that most people would consider private: my battle with depression, my sexuality, or even just the inane stuff that wouldn't be considered revelatory but just boring (like which of my pets threw up on the rug).
Maybe it's a reaction to all the shame I have in side. I think the combination of a Catholic upbringing, growing up gay, having depression, and just the Filipino culture of conflict avoidance just made me so good at hiding things. Alanis Morissette, when asked why she exposes so much of herself in her songs, once said that the difference between privacy and secrecy is that secrecy comes from a place of hiding something, and that she constantly struggles to accept all parts of herself. This rings so true for me (as I'm sure for most people) since I can easily show my acceptable public face yet endlessly struggle to hide things in me that I find repulsive. So maybe if I just publicly but quietly share some "unacceptable" parts of myself, then I may, not necessarily heal, but relax my hold on these which merely make me human and just let me be.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Thursday Nights
Some people have their bowling night, others have a movie night. I have my volunteering-climbing-dinering night. Tired and hungry, we are all still able to labor through bad diner food and catch up with each other's lives, as well as gossip about people who don't give a rat's ass about us (what? Justin and Jessica Biel?).
Mugsy Update
In the middle of my two week vacation in the Philippines, I learned that Mugsy had suffered from apparent sudden paralysis. Phone calls with friends and the consulting vet revealed that he had apparently ruptured a disc and would need further medical intervention. I was able to make arrangements for him to stay at my vet's office as I tried to enjoy the rest of my stay with family and friends, keeping my apprehension at bay for a full week till I could see the Mugster. I have never seen him actually cry till I picked him up at the vet's office. He was still quite ataxic but the steroids seem to have stabilized the injury. After a couple of days, it looked like he would be okay. He's back to his energetic self, with me constantly worrying he'll hurt his back again. But what kind of life would it be for him if I kept him from enjoying his life? A long time back, even before I had Mugsy, I took a course on Physical Therapy for dogs. So I dusted my book off, took a ball home from work, and we've been having daily sessions. My hands seem to work better than the ball. All the same, I think he'll be fine. Thanks to everytone for all the kind words and letters of support.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Eleven Fifty Five PM
After driving home from work so sleepy (like I was at the Roxy till 6 am), I get home at 4 pm and sleep till now. Jet lag sucks! Now's it's time for some TV, laundry, and cooking till it's time to go to work again.
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