Generation Blog

An exerpt from a New York Magazine piece last week:

"It’s been a long time since there was a true generation gap, perhaps 50 years—you have to go back to the early years of rock and roll, when old people still talked about “jungle rhythms.” Everything associated with that music and its greasy, shaggy culture felt baffling and divisive, from the crude slang to the dirty thoughts it was rumored to trigger in little girls. That musical divide has all but disappeared. But in the past ten years, a new set of values has sneaked in to take its place, erecting another barrier between young and old. And as it did in the fifties, the older generation has responded with a disgusted, dismissive squawk. "

This cultural divide that they are talking about is the culture of blogging/online profiling so prevalent in the younger generation. Actually, this describes what you are reading right now:a public glimpse into the private life of, well, namely, me.

A friend of mine once asked me how I can so share my self so publicly. I once asked some friends of mine if they had blogs and they told me " I like to keep my private life private." Point taken. What I began to wonder was "Then why do I blog?"

Granted this whole thing started as a potential way for my family to share stories, inspired by Alan's "The Milton Hilton". But even when it became evident that it would be a one-man show, I continue to do it. Lay out things about myself that most people would consider private: my battle with depression, my sexuality, or even just the inane stuff that wouldn't be considered revelatory but just boring (like which of my pets threw up on the rug).

Maybe it's a reaction to all the shame I have in side. I think the combination of a Catholic upbringing, growing up gay, having depression, and just the Filipino culture of conflict avoidance just made me so good at hiding things. Alanis Morissette, when asked why she exposes so much of herself in her songs, once said that the difference between privacy and secrecy is that secrecy comes from a place of hiding something, and that she constantly struggles to accept all parts of herself. This rings so true for me (as I'm sure for most people) since I can easily show my acceptable public face yet endlessly struggle to hide things in me that I find repulsive. So maybe if I just publicly but quietly share some "unacceptable" parts of myself, then I may, not necessarily heal, but relax my hold on these which merely make me human and just let me be.